Playing With My Mom Boobs

How to drive your IT Help Desk in the madness:

• Send as useless mails to your hotline - "My computer spins" as or "Help! Here goes nothing!"
• questions like "What actually works not?" or "Get an error message? Which action?" answer with "spinning My mail program" or "It's not stop!"
• Wait for your call to 5 minutes more before the end of work of the hotline. Then describe in detail an "urgent" problem that you already know "for weeks !!!!" have. If you are asked whether you already once before have reported, please reply with "I'm also something else to do than getting stuck in your hotline!"
• Forget your passwords at least 1x per month - the best for all systems. Ignore any and all instructions on himself to assign new passwords
• If you have multiple computer problems, send each one separately by e-mail or call one at a per issue. Have more than 10 minutes elapse between the individual mails / calls. When you're done, go back to each problem individually and hook to "how long it still takes"
• Spice up your calls and emails with comments such as "In my old company's IT was much better" or "you can not help me anyway probably"
• for secretaries: Do not call your boss at the IT Help Desk. Listen to contrast his incomprehensible description of the problem and give them to greatly shortened the hotline on. If someone wants to be on the computer directly connected to it, you block off that!
• For men: If a female IT worker reports, ask immediately, "with a male colleague to talk to '
• Give your help desk (without a prior call) associated with the content" I kann Sie telefonisch nicht erreichen. Rufen Sie mich sofort zurück!!! Eilt!!! Dingend!!!". Geben Sie in den Mails aber keinesfalls Ihre Telefonnummer an, bzw. löschen Sie sie manuell aus Ihrer Signatur
• (Steigerung: Verwenden Sie in Ihren Mails nur fette Großbuchstaben mit einer Schriftgröße von mindestens 48)
• Wenn die IT dann endlich Ihre Telefonnummer herausgefunden hat, gehen Sie keinesfalls ans Telefon, sondern erst mal in die Kantine. Schicken Sie dann 1 Minute nach Dienstsschluss der Hotline eine weitere Mail mit dem Inhalt "Ist es zu viel verlangt, wenn man um einen Rückruf bittet? Ich war den ganzen Tag nicht arbeitsfähig!"
• Call by cell phone from the car on (so that the poor reception and the trip sounds make the conversation almost completely inaudible) and describe a problem that you had "just now". If you are asked for the error message, reply that you're sitting in the car and it will "help so" should

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